20 Smart Ways to Build Intimacy

You have to keep up with your relationship and find new ways to be intimate, or your spark fades. We get in these routines where the most excitement in our relationship comes from when netflix has new titles. A relationship won't last on the novelty of new netflix titles alone. You need actions with sustenance in them. Activities that remind you that you are with another human being who is multi-faceted and three dimensional and really, quite exciting with minimal effort. So lets get to that effort part. Here are 20 ideas for how you can get more intimacy in your relationship.

1) Go underwear shopping together. This feels so kinky when you do it. It is fun having a say in what your partner will be wearing, and then every time you see them in it, you get more excited than you do their other underwear. Not only because its exactly what you think is sexy on them, but you get excited simply because you had a say. So let your lover pick out some new underwear for you. It will be fun as they get to see you try on all sorts of wear, and pick their favs.

2) Dress up for your down time. So you've worked all day and you are ready for sweats and a t-shrit, right? Well... that gets old. Pretend you are going over to your lover's place in the beginning of your relationship. You can look and feel relaxed, but wear something with some cleavage, put on those short-shorts that make your booty pop. Take time for some make-up! Do your hair.

3) Surprise them in the shower. Hop in the shower with them. Get frisky. They will be caught of guard and turned on by your spontaneity.

4) Sext. If you are like me, this seems kind of scary. How do I...? Uhhh... But just start things off with a saucy picture of you that is NSFW. And see how they respond from there. Here are a couple of good articles on how to sext. Here and here.

5) Leave notes for them to find. Invest in post-it notes. Leave a note on the mirror that says something like "Have a great day babe! You look great!" In the age of texting, hand-written notes are way under-rated. These little surprises will put a smile on their face, and keep them thinking about you.

6) Dedicate a whole 20 minutes to making out. No sex. Just kissing. Ah, to be 14 again. This is sure to build intimacy, as we don't spend as much time kissing as we used to at the beginning of our relationship. It will bring you back to those days.

7) Cook Something Together. Participating in an activity with a common goal, builds this intimacy we're after.

8) Check Out People Together. Being attracted to other people is natural and healthy. So you should share this with your partner! Let them know what you like. By opening up about this, you really open up a whole new realm to your relationship. The honesty feels so good.

9) Role Play. Now that you are open about what you are into, role play it! In the bedroom, on a date, or just on the couch. Pretend you don't know each other. Pretend to be newlyweds. Pretend you know each other from work, and are getting drinks after work together. Pretend you are responding to a craigslist ad about sex, and this is who showed up. Who have you always, or maybe just recently, been fantasizing about? This is your opportunity to live it. And role-play doesn't have to be sex. You can role-play you don't know each other at home, just for fun.

10) Stare Into Each Others' Eyes for 4 Minutes. Try this over and over again, until you can do it without laughing your ass off. This sounds cheesy, but it is proven to build intimacy between you and your partner.

11) Have Sex Somewhere New. Have you ever tried sex in a public place? How about in your car? Out in the woods? If this seems like a little too much for you, how about you venture into the kitchen? Or maybe rent a hotel room?

12) Write Them A Love Note. A real love note. A long one, describing how you feel about them and your hopes and dreams for the relationship. I like the idea of keeping a mutual journal, where you write back and forth to one another in it.

13) Try Something New In Bed. Role Play. Tie each other up. Try using ice cubes. Use food. Try talking. Blindfold each other. Just anything you haven't done before.

14) Date Each Other. Really. Go out on dates again every week. Get to know each other on a deeper level. If you have to, prepare questions to ask each other on these dates, so you don't end up talking about the same old stuff.

15) Learn a Skill or Hobby Together. Take a class together. Learn a language. Take up a craft.

16) Go on a Secluded Picnic. Take time to pack a picnic together, and then go somewhere outside, that's secluded, for a private get-a-way. (Maybe that public sex we talked about could come into play?)

17) Do Art Together. Look up crafts. You don't usually use this part of your brain together, so doing so will really bond the two of you. Make each other something. Lay down some old towels, get naked, and paint each others' bodies.

18) Make Them A Coupon Book. Make coupons for your relationship. "One Free Massage" "I Cook Anything You Want" and of course, sexy ones. "69" "Role Play anything you want"