12 Scientifically-Proven Ways to a Better Relationship
Here are 12 ways that have been scientifically proven to help improve your relationship.
1) Compliment your partner. All the time. Tell them what it is you love about them, from the big stuff to the little stuff. Compliment their values. "I love how you take time to help others". Compliment how they make you feel. "You always make me feel so open by the way you respect what I say". Just tell them what you love about them. But be specific. And you should definitely always tell your partner how proud you are of them.
2) Take walks with your partner every day. Lab studies show that after jointly participating in a physical challenge or activity, couples report feeling more satisfied with their relationships and more in love with their partner. Exercise induces the symptoms of physiological arousal—sweaty hands, a racing pulse, shortness of breath. So by getting active together, you trick your minds into thinking you are really aroused by one another. (not that that isn't already true). Active time together also allows for you to coordinate your actions in unison. It creates nonverbal matching, which makes you feel like you are in harmony with one another.
3) Turn off the tv. Make time for just the two of you, without electronics. Make a habit of doing this for at least a half hour every day. And talk to one another. Play cards, a board game, or do any other activity that engages the two of you. Just don't touch the remote.
4) Spend quality time together in the mornings. This can be your no-tv time. Start your day together. Have coffee or tea together. Reflect. Discuss your upcoming day. In a study that analyzed 11,500 events of partners, across all meal-sharing conditions, compared to all other social interactions, the preponderance of data showed that participants felt both more agreeable, more pleasant, and less dominant and submissive. (In other words, the power dynamics were negated.) Not only did they feel that they were behaving more agreeably, but participants sharing a meal also felt better about their partners during this time. What a great way to start your day!
5) Always kiss hello, and good bye. This ritual is great to have in place for when you are fighting. And this is a trend among the happiest couples in decades of research by The Gottman Institute
6) Have sex. On schedule. Even if you have a good sex life, you should have a scheduled night every week that you have sex. Don't think of this as "un-romantic", but instead, see it as making sex a priority in your relationship. By having a set day, you get to anticipate it. And this way, it is always there, for when your sex life is going not-so-hot. Relationships and life are always changing, and you will want this safety net in place. Here is a great post on scheduling your sex life.
7) Try new things together. This adds excitement to your relationship. And not just new netflix titles. Try to cook a new cuisine together. Go out somewhere you've never been before. Read a book together. Take a class together. Have sex in the shower. We often get stuck in our same old routines. Set a goal for yourself as a couple, to try out at least one new thing together every week.
8) Go to bed together. Literally. If a couple is going to bed at different times, this is a sign you are slowly drifting apart. If you are going to bed at different times, you are missing out on something crucial. Those moments before you enter sleep and officially end your day, are a key chance to share about your day, cuddle, say sweet things, and really bond before you go unconscious. Then you get to take all those little bonding moments right before you drifted off, into your unconscious. Its shown to make you view each other more favorably the next day.
9) The Little Things Matter. Say I love you. All the time. Send that good morning text. SAY THANK YOU. And those compliments we talked about. Cuddles. Make them coffee. Let them control the remote tonight. Come up from behind and start giving them a backrub. Those little touches mean a lot, as they produce oxytocin, the love chemical that tells us we are bonding. And when you do these little things, do them without expecting anything in return.
10) Cook and clean together. Often one person gets stuck doing most the cooking, or most the cleaning. This can form resentment. Choose a day where you BOTH clean your place together every week. And start preparing meals as a couple. This is a way to make your cooking routine fun. And couples who share activities together, are shown to have stronger relationships.
11) Work towards goals together. A cannot emphasize how important this is. Working towards something together gives you shared purpose. And not just #relationshipgoals, but real-life goals.
12) Learn your partner's love language- and how to speak it. Everyone has their own way of expressing and receiving love. Learn what your partners is so you can better speak it.
