10 Minute Critical Guide to Sobriety

Hey peeps. So, I have been in AA for a little over a year and a half now, and done my share of rehabs, and had my share of relapses. I've tried out NA and celebrate recovery too. I'm by no means a master at this stuff, but I'd like to share what I’ve learned the hard way, so maybe you don’t have to. From the importance of phone calls, to why you need to keep chocolate on hand, we will figure this out together.

An addict is addict is an addict. If you are addicted to one substance, you will just as easily get addicted to any other. If you want a lesson on dopamine, and how your brain doesn't know the difference between, say pot, and your drug of choice. Email me. We should talk.

1. First off, Get Phone Numbers and Call. Like, the next day. No, its not like dating where you have to wait three days. 3-2-1. Talk to 3 people at the meeting, get at least 2 numbers, and call at least 1 the next day. One day, you will be glad you made these calls. Because you are going to have a bad craving, and you will have people you KNOW to talk to- instead of a handful of anons. It’s so not as scary as you think it’s going to be! 9.5/10 people are excited to hear from you and glad you called! If you want me to be your first number, I will totally give you mine so you can see it isn’t scary. But I made the mistake of getting numbers, and never calling, and then I had no one, when I needed someone.

2. Speak Up in Meetings! This will let people get to know you, and give them a reason to come up and talk to you after! It also gets stuff off your chest. It is why you are there. This is your community now. This is your fellowship. We need to know where you are at and what you are struggling with. And also!, you have good info to share! Do not think because you are new that you cannot give good advice and share what you have learned so far! There is someone in that room with less experience than you that needs to hear you speak. You are important. Raise your hand, bring up the topic you are unsure about on your mind, say you're unsure about it. You are human for fucks sake. You are allowed to be unsure. Tell them your struggles, your family problems, your fears about sobriety, what you don't understand, everything, let it all pour out...People will EMBRACE YOU.

OH! ME! ME, ME ME!

3. Don’t Miss Meetings. You hear the saying “Meeting Makers Make It”. It’s true. Make a meeting every day. 90 in 90. 90 meetings in 90 days. No matter what. So you're tired and you've worked all day and you don’t want to? How hard would you have tried if it were drugs or booze you had to get to? You have to try TWICE that hard to stay sober. You have to want it. And there will be days you don’t want to go. But you got to. Never been to a meeting that I wished I hadn’t gone to.

Hot damn that's right! And might I say, you are looking fine ;-)

One day at a time.

4. Change people, places, and things. You only have to change one thing in sobriety- EVERYTHING. Change the people you hang around. Delete. Those. Numbers. Block. That. Facebook. Seriously. It could be your life. You cannot go to the bar anymore, not for another year of sobriety (--not a set date, just general). But even other old hang outs that are triggers- I couldn’t go to the hookah bar, (no alcohol served) for like 8 months because I used to go there before going to the bar. And get rid of all the paraphernalia. Really. But your bowl is so cute and looks like an elephant? Nu-uh. Sell it to someone who can toke it. That lighter you always used? It’s a trigger, its cute but its gotta go.

Too cheesy? Naaaaaaaah....

5. Focus on You, Girl. I had to break up with my partner, out of a two-year relationship. If you are not in a relationship, do not get in one. They say you should be sober a year. Best advice I ever took. You are about to meet a lot of new people, and a lot of good ones. But just be friends. This time is for you. You are going to change and grow SO much over the next year. You will be a completely different person. And that’s beautiful. Respect that. Own it. You cannot worry about another person right now. You need to find yourself.

Okay, not really! You just need to knock the jar lid against the counter ladies, it works!

6. Learn How to Have Fun Sober. AA and NA has lots of sober activities- dances, feasts, karaoke, board game nights, speaker events- GO! It will feel unnatural at first, but you will not only get used to it, but you will learn how to have WAY more fun than you ever did high or buzzed. Just let yourself get out of that comfort zone. Talk to strangers. This will eventually become natural to you. I used to be so shy, now I could lead a convo with any stranger. Try to not take life so seriously. Karaoke sober. Do something you would normally never do sober, and then be like hey, well look at that! I just ____ed fucking sober. Albedamned.

True that. Love yourself. You are beautiful.

7. Understand you are going to go through post-acute withdrawal symptoms. These last up to 2 YEARS after your last intake of a substance. They get better every day, and significantly after 2, and 6 months. Here is some info on that.

http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.html

https://www.discoveryplace.info/post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-paws

All of this is NORMAL! You are not going crazy! It goes away!

8. Understand this is life or death. You may not have lost someone yet, but if you stay in this program long enough, you sadly will lose many. And how seriously you take this program, is how seriously you take your life. Addiction is progressive and chronic. You will always be an addict, and your disease - even while sober! - is always getting worse. There is no cure, only a daily reprieve- keeping sober. Your next night out, could be your last.

*deep exhausted sigh* WHOA. Sorry to end on that heavy note folks. Love ya though, and needed you to know that. Anyways....

9. Don't ever get too "HALT": Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Really though. Keep little snacks on hand. Especially chocolate. It has a similar chemical that I cannot think of that alcohol produces and can help relieve cravings. I can't tell you how many times I was having a cravings, and then I ate, and it went away or at least got 70% better. Be aware of your emotions. Keep a journal and learn how to deal with anger. Emotions are fucking terrifying sober. A damned roller-coaster through a tornado while your blind-folded and you just lost your seeing eye dog. Be patient with yourself. And have compassion for yourself. Its going to take time to learn techniques like breathing, counting, and maybe yoga? And get your rest. You can spiritually relapse just as much as chemically.

10. Come back when you relapse. As fast as you can. You aren't the first drunk or druggie to go out and have a drink or a hit. We have all been there. We will welcome you back with open arms. Hell, I've been to quite a few AA meetings drunk myself. Most would rather have you in the rooms drunk than not at all.

Learn from it, move forward.

11. Sometimes "one day at a time" has to be one minute at a time. Or twenty minutes at a time. Or an hour at a time. If you can't think about getting through today, ask yourself, "how can I get through the next five minutes?" That is all. You have. To do. I once went to the store and bought a bottle of wine, then looked up AA meetings. There was a mid-night meeting. An hour until it started. I wasn't letting go of my wine. But if I just made it an hour. So I did every thing I could. I used to write like a mad woman, obsessively in my journal. I'd go in fields and scream! I'd blare the music! I'd pray, by God I would pray pray pray. And it worked. Anything I had to do! But I made it to that meeting, and I met my new best friend there (literally) and we smashed that wine bottle with a hammer! It was so invigorating!

12. Pray. Even if you aren't religious or spiritual. Just try it. You will eventually see, miraculous (seriously not using this word lightly) results. My friend in rehab told me she kind of had a disdain for religion, but she really looked up to her friend who was spiritual. So she asked if she could "borrow her friend's God" when she prayed. And she did. She would say "Dear Bethany's God..." And eventually she came to form her own spirituality that works for her. So talk to a friend who has something you like. See what they do. Maybe borrow their God haha. God doesn't mind, he gets around haha. If you don't do anything else on this list, pray.